Grief is an unavoidable and universal experience. At some point in each of our lives, we experience significant losses that deeply impact our emotional functioning and views of the world. Unfortunately, the holiday season has a tendency to heighten the experience of grief, even if the loss was experienced several years ago. In fact, Morgan (2018) notes that “the holidays tend to amplify feelings of loss-especially if it’s the first holiday after a loved one’s passing.”
As with grief at any time of the year, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief around the holidays. However, there are steps that one can take to assist in coping with and managing the intense grief that often accompanies the holiday season. For example, DeSieno (2022) recommends reflecting upon how you have experienced grief and how that may shift over the holiday season. It is also vitally important to pay close attention to your physical health as it indicates how you manage your grief.
As you prepare for holiday celebrations, Morgan (2018) recommends that you make a plan for the season. Specifically, it is important to first acknowledge that the holidays will be different after the loss of a loved one. Once this is acknowledged, you can start considering which traditions are important to keep and which ones need to be changed or gotten rid of completely. Also, reflect on whether or not you feel ready to spend the entire day celebrating or if you will need to leave early to spend some time grieving on your own.
Similarly, staff at Caring Bridge (2022) recommends that you do what feels right for you in terms of celebrating the holidays while also grieving your loved one. While maintaining traditions may help to create a sense of stability and continuity, it’s okay to skip them if they are too overwhelming. It can also be helpful to honor the memory of your loved one by putting up pictures of that person, putting up their favorite decorations, and/or gifting others in that person’s honor. It may also be helpful to visit the memorial or grave and ask others to share memories of the deceased person.
Morgan (2018) also encourages individuals to work to establish creative ways to memorialize and remember deceased loved ones. This could include mountain climbing, incorporating photos into a table centerpiece, continuing traditions, or donating to charities that were important to the deceased. It is also okay to forgo physical reminders of your loved ones and establish new traditions instead.
The holiday season is a difficult time for those who have experienced significant losses. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve these losses and/or celebrate the lives of our loved ones. Focusing on what feels best in terms of grieving is what is most often recommended by professionals. However, given the intensity of the holiday season, it can also be helpful to reach out to a mental health professional for further support.
About the Author
Dr. Montes is a licensed clinical psychologist and co-owner of Cognitive Behavior Therapy Center in Chesapeake, VA.
References
Caring Bridge Staff (Ed.). (2022, February 7). How to get through the holidays without a loved one. CaringBridge. https://admin.caringbridge.org/resources/holidays-without-loved-one/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAmZGrBhAnEiwAo9qHiewmXk5G1isv0WlfABUl4XkRiEXSrZvtZfaFTcm__1Smav84NztnoxoC2pUQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
DeSieno, L. (2022, November 28). Grief and loss through the Holidays. Mayo Clinic Health System. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/grief-and-loss-throughout-the-holiday-season
Morgan, T. (2018, December 12). Are you grieving this holiday season? here are ways to cope with loss and Honor loved ones. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/topics/grief/holiday-season-coping